How we react to people's emotional problems

We’ve all had that one friend come up to us at some point and say that they’re really worried about something. Something that we might have thought was insignificant, that we ignored. There probably have been times when they’ve expressed their worry repeatedly. How did you react in that situation? Were you empathetic? Did you listen patiently? Or did you just ask them to “get over it!” or say something like “everyone has issues”.

What about the friend who was just low the entire week? Did you reach out to them and ask them what was wrong? Or did you just tell them to “cheer up”, or think that it’s best to leave them alone (partly because it was bringing down your own mood)? These are common reactions people get when they open up about their emotional issues.

There are three broad categories in which our reactions can be classified:

• We underplay their problem: We tell them they are overthinking it, or someone else has bigger issues.
• We avoid their problem: We stay away because we don’t know what to do, or don’t want to do anything.
• We try to help: We listen to them patiently and try to understand their issues in a non-judgmental manner.

When someone is in emotional distress, opening up is not easy. Furthermore, when they receive a reaction that falls under the first two categories, it further isolates them. It dissuades them from opening up about their problems, leading them to deal with their issues by themselves. This stigmatizing cycle can have potentially serious effects in the long run. If people are unable to cope with the distress, these can develop into clinical problems of anxiety and depression.  

What people in distress require is a patient and non-judgmental ear. They need to know that when they reach out to someone they trust, that person will be empathetic and not play down their problems.