New motherhood: Bonding with the baby

New motherhood: Bonding with the baby

For many women, pregnancy and motherhood are the most joyful times of their lives. The thought of holding their baby and caring for the baby is considered a natural phenomenon. But sometimes, in the context of mental health issues, it may become difficult for some women to perform these 'obvious-looking' tasks. They may have to put extra effort in acknowledging the needs of their newborn.

When does the bonding begin?

The bonding of the mother with the baby begins at different phases. For some women, it begins when they prepare themselves to have a child, while for some it begins after they have become pregnant. For mothers opting for a surrogate motherhood, the attachment with the baby may begin after they are handed over their baby.

There are two types of bonding:

  • Fetal bonding: This bond begins when the baby is a fetus in the mother's womb. The woman starts thinking and imagining about her baby's looks and gender. She may do things like holding or softly rubbing her stomach, talking, reading to the unborn baby, keeping note of their growth, and feeling the baby's reactions such as kicking.

  • Infant bonding: This attachment between mother and child begins after the baby is born. The mother begins caring for and nurturing the baby. She begins to learn to understand baby's cues of hunger, sleep and discomfort, and acknowledges their needs accordingly. Here, breastfeeding can play an important role in maintaining the bond between the mother and the child.

The typical maternal behavior of feeding, hugging, cuddling, massaging, cooing, and pacifying the baby keeps developing as the baby grows through their developmental milestones (0-5 years). All of these expressive behaviors come under natural bonding. The mother here is able to adapt to the baby's temperament and understand the responses of her child.  

Where does the problem arise?

Every new mother goes through an array of emotions – anxiety, frustration, sadness, guilt – about her baby. The new-found responsibilities of taking care of her baby, constantly looking out for their wellbeing, apart from the pressures of being a 'good mother', keeping up with the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, adjustments in the conjugal and other relationships, will be physically and mentally taxing for the mother. A little amount of anxiety is considered normal, but if the emotional upheavals are persistent and affect the daily functioning of the mother and her interactions with the baby, it becomes a cause for concern.          

Signs that are considered normal

Signs that you should seek help soon

Occasional feelings of frustration or irritability

The mother gets angry with the baby repeatedly

Exhaustion that can be helped with sleep or rest

When the mother leaves the baby care to her mother or a relative all the time

Mother is able to function well enough and her interaction with the baby is satisfactory.

Breastfeeding is not considered as a pleasurable experience and is a chore

Occasional fleeting regrets over the changes that motherhood has brought

Little or no pleasure in caring for the baby. Also she may have feelings of dislike, hatred or regret about the baby's birth

This apart, thoughts of severe anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, and irritability, may hinder the mother’s ability to perform her daily tasks. This becomes a cause for concern and she should seek the help of a mental health professional soon.

If the mother rejects her child  

There are various reasons why a mother may reject her child. For the mother:

  • If there is a history of any psychiatric illness, she may be unable to take care of herself before caring for her child

  • If the mother has not received appropriate maternal care from her mother, she may treat her child in the same way

  • Traumatic deliveries may leave the mother exhausted and angry towards her baby

  • Unplanned pregnancies or pregnancies out of force (eg: sexual violence)

  • Some mothers have difficulty bonding if the baby has some form of deformity or chronic illness.

In many Indian homes, a new mother gets a lot of help from her extended family members such as her mother or mother-in-law and therefore, it can be difficult to detect issues of rejection. Nevertheless, the family members can observe signs of distress and help the mother approach a mental health professional.         

Addressing mother-infant bonding issues:

The psychosocial intervention to bonding problems involves not just the mother (or the primary caretaker) but also family members. Through observation, the family members are inquired about how the mother is responding to the baby's needs and whether she is able to interpret the baby's cues.

Secondly, some mothers are offered a video observation, where their interactions are captured on a camera and the video is shown to the mother. This helps her to see what she is doing and how she can work upon improving her response with the baby.

The mother can also be encouraged to massage her baby before bathing. Here, the mother is encouraged to stroke and touch her baby in a gentle manner. She is also encouraged to maintain eye contact and interact with the baby, such as talking, smiling.   

The issue of mother-infant bonding is a health issue and the mother should not be blamed for her  behavior. Many a times, with the fear of society blaming the mother, the family members do not seek help. But it is important to understand that bonding issues are treatable and a professional intervention can help the mother lead a loving life with her baby. It is also important that no one completely takes over the baby’s care. Most mothers, even with severe bonding disorders, can manage small tasks, such as choosing the baby’s clothes, laying them out and preparing feeds (if not breastfeed).    

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